Thursday, July 29, 2010

Last visit

This past Tuesday was maybe my last visit to the prison. I hope not the last, but I'm going to be going to the mens facility in Morgantown now. I am excited for the change, nervous about being around men and sad to be leaving the ladies. I thanked them for letting me into their group and sharing their experiences with me. They made me feel welcome, safe, and most of all accepted. I didn't feel that they were judging me by my past, thats a fear I have of what people will think of me when they find out. They thanked me for sharing and made me cry. They said I have to make the men cry too. I'm very nervous to be around men, they make me very anxious and I lose all sense of direction. Allison wants me getting out of the house and doing things on my own and I am happy to report that I have been to Wal Mart twice by myself and Aldi's once. Also, I did it with out the meds. GO ME!!!!!!!! When I'm there I just have to keep moving and if theres any men around somewhere I want to stop and look at something I just wait til they leave and then go look. It works...for now. I got a new med a few weeks ago and now I am able to relax so that I fall asleep, and bonus- no more nightmares! Things have really been going good for me. Mom says she can tell a difference, that I'm improving. August will make 3 yrs since all this, meaning the flashbacks, memories, nightmares all started and I must say I'm a little upset that its taking so long. This may be a silly question but how long does PTSD last and my depression on top of it, sometimes I feel like I'm not moving forward fast enough. I'm getting off subject, I miss the ladies already. It was so funny though the trainer for Sur was sitting beside me and he kept getting up and nudging me on the side of my thigh and when we were all done she said "now you've been waiting, go ahead" and he put his paws up on my shoulders and licked my face, he was so excited and of course I loved every minute of it. Today I got my epidural for my back and saw my Dr. who does my meds and she said she wants to keep things where their at since they seem to be working so well. So thats everything I think, maybe even more than necessary :)